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Kathy Marshack News

Finding Your Way to Normal Despite Your NT/AS Relationship

Monday, December 05, 2016


Doesn’t the holiday season make you wish for true love, a warm and hearty Christmas dinner with family, and better times ahead? It almost makes us believe, like little children who believe Santa grants wishes, that our heartfelt wishes might come true.

But then you realize with a sinking feeling that it can’t possibly happen, because your life isn’t like everyone else’s. You don’t get to live a normal life, because you’re living with someone who has Aspergers. And that realization makes you withdraw even deeper into your protective invisibility.

If no one notices that you’re not normal, you can pretend that what happens to you is okay. That you really didn’t want to attend the dinner with friends. That it doesn’t matter that no one kisses you under the mistletoe. That you won’t get a gift that makes you feel like a desired lover and partner. That it’s impossible for you and your Aspie to have a good time together. That you don’t feel special anymore. That you’re invisible.

I never really thought about invisibility before I learned about my mother’s Asperger Syndrome. But in looking back through the years, I realize now that I have been invisible all my life, and I believe it’s a condition that plagues a lot of NT people in Asperger/NT families

Whenever I explain my experience of family holidays to friends and colleagues their eyes glaze over. I do get some satisfaction from this, because it confirms my suspicion that my life is not normal. But it’s still a painful reminder. . . that I am alone.

Since the holiday season is particularly poignant for most of us, it’s time we gather together to discuss how you feel about this conundrum and what to do about it. If you’re a member of the Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD, please join our free international teleconference on Thursday, December 15, 2016, at 1:30 PM. We’ll discuss “Finding Your Way to Normal”.  I'm not saying that you can really find your way back to normal. That ship has sailed. But perhaps you can create a new normal for you; a normal that helps you stay healthy, and loving and mentally centered. . . amid the chaos of living with those on the Autism Spectrum.

If your depression is worsened by the holiday season and it’s getting to be too much for you, please contact your medical or health care professional immediately. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment so we can find ways for you to achieve happiness again.

And if you’ve been putting off getting a copy of Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) because you thought it was just about parenting, don’t wait another moment. You’ll hear my story and that of others who feel invisible. It also explores the science behind Asperger’s. Get a free chapter by clicking on the image below.



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