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Kathy Marshack News

Resilience – The Key to Living Happily Ever After

Wednesday, July 11, 2018


While it’s not possible to have a “happy ever after” life, you can drastically improve your odds by developing resilience. “…and they lived happily ever after.” All the good love stories end with these words or at least this sentiment, don’t they? We long for happy endings, because, if it’s possible for someone else, it’s possible that we can live happily ever after, too.

Okay, I know that fairy tales aren’t real. While life can be blessed and fulfilling, happiness doesn’t come automatically. Every person will face adversity in life. Especially is this so, since we’re living at a unique time in human history. According to the CDC's current data, about 1 in 68 children has been identified with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). So there’s a real possibility that the person you’re in a relationship with today has high functioning autism, formerly known as Asperger Syndrome.

But there is something that can drastically do to improve your odds of having a happy family life. What's the missing ingredient that takes us from victim to victorious? I think the answer is: resilience.


Resilience is built upon a foundation of the following nine characteristics:

Optimism
Self-belief
Emotional awareness
Self-control
Willingness to adapt
Willingness to be flexible
Ability to solve problems
Social support
Sense of humor

Without resilience, we can get so entangled in the Aspie logic that we become a shell of our former self. Resilience is a kind of elastic quality that helps us keep bouncing back, but we must bounce back to our own reality, our own common sense, our own confidence in our empathic ability to see the truth.

Resilience isn't kindness, or codependency, or compassion. It's the ability to recognize almost immediately that our Aspie is making some faulty judgments and that we don't have to accept them. For example,

The resilient person says, "Thank you for your view, but I'm going to do it my way today."

The resilient person recognizes that arguing with your Aspie is futile. It's not that Aspies aren't entitled to argue some arcane idea, but the resilient person accepts that we don't have to be their sounding board, or their humble servant, or their ardent advocate . . . or the loser in the argument.

Do you want to enhance your resilience? If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD group, please attend the free, international teleconference: “Building Resilience in an ASD/NT Relationship.” It will be held on Thursday, July 19th. We’ll concentrate on learning methods for building resilience. Of particular importance is recognizing early on when you’re slipping. I got so distressed living with three Aspies that I allowed myself to lose my common sense, get angry and wind up in jail! (You can read my story, plus learn techniques for developing resilience and Radiant Empathy, in my new book, “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS.”) You don't want to let this happen to you.

P.S. If you know of someone who is a NT (neurotypical or non-autism) person in a NT/ASD relationship, please tell them about this Meetup group. It has become a life saver for thousands of people across the globe.



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