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Kathy Marshack News

Can You Forgive Your Asperger Partner?

Thursday, June 10, 2010


In a relationship, forgiveness is one of the keys to success. When you are in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, whether they are a partner or family member, forgiveness is a struggle. Even though you may have a forgiving nature, somehow forgiving our AS adults may not feel healing. There is still something missing.

In May, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring speak at the Oregon Psychological Association meeting. She brought up an interesting point about the issue of forgiveness stating that there cannot be genuine forgiveness in a relationship unless there is full cooperation of the "offending" party. You can come to some acceptance and that is healing for you but there is still that hole that can only be filled when both parties process the hurt.

Dr. Abrahms Spring wrote a fantastic book entitled, How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive and the Freedom to Not. I highly recommend reading it especially if forgiveness is an issue in your life.

On June 19th, our Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD, held in Portland, Oregon, will be discussing this very troubling concept of reclaiming our lives when there is no apology, no empathic request for forgiveness, no acceptance of our offers of apology and no connecting over the shared hurt. There are answers and in our group sharing we will discover them. Visit our Meetup page for more information.

Partners & Family of Adults with Asperger Syndrome - Spread The Word

Friday, February 12, 2010


 
I continue to hear from many who wish that there were more avenues to spread the word about relationships with loved ones who have Asperger’s. I have also felt this way which prompted me to write my book, "Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?I recognize that many are unable to write a book to express their thoughts and feelings on the subject, but there are other ways to share.


There has been an amazing response after establishing the Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD support group. The Meetup.com message board has become a place for many around the world, not just in the Portland area, to come and share their thoughts, stories, and essays. One particular article stirred up over 200 views. I would like to continue encouraging you to use this incredible resource to spread the word about ASD relationships.

Slowly but surely this topic is getting more attention. Take a look at a recent book review on "Going Over the Edge?" on About.com - http://learningdisabilities.about.com/od/parentsandfamilyissues/gr/Marshack.htm. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your continued support. As a united front, we can spread the word about living with and loving our family members with Asperger Syndrome.

Sixty Things To Do When You Turn Sixty – It’s About Your Attitude

Monday, January 18, 2010


The idea of entering your sixties is often accompanied with dismay. For some though, turning sixty is welcomed. The difference boils down to your attitude, making the conscious decision to age gracefully.

It’s never too late to start your life over no matter how old you are. Turning sixty can be the perfect age to start over and do what you have always wanted to do with your life. With retirement and grown children, perhaps you’ve been allotted with the gift of time so take advantage of it. Don't take things too seriously, make sure to laugh along the way. Get moving and get involved. Find something you have always wanted to accomplish and do it!

I had the privilege of having one of my essays published in a wonderful book entitled, Sixty Things To Do When You Turn Sixty. Published in September 2006, this book of essays captures the imaginations of those Baby Boomers out there who are rounding the bend into their sixties. It is a positive and enlightening look at what turning sixty can be for those who choose to make something out of it.

I just learned that the Corvallis Public Library has Sixty Things To Do When You Turn Sixty available and it’s checked out regularly. If you are interesting in purchasing your own personal copy, please visit this page.

Going Over the Edge? is Going Worldwide

Wednesday, January 06, 2010


My book, "Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?" has been gaining more international attention recently. This doesn’t surprise me because when I posted the first chapter on my website three years ago I received emails from readers around the world. I am thrilled to see that my book is more readily available to those outside the US.

For Europeans, Eurospan Bookstore has made Going Over the Edge? available for purchase on their website. The website includes the book forward by Stephen Shore, the introduction, the first three chapters, and the front and back cover.

If you live in India, Flipkart.com has added my book to their inventory. They ship throughout India, but you must pay in rupees.

I have added these links to the Asperger Syndrome Recommended Links on my website for future reference. I will continue to keep you posted on any more exciting updates!

Book Review on Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge

Friday, December 11, 2009


When you are in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, you will experience ups and downs. This is not to say that the Aspie partner is to blame or is at “fault.” However, given that the core characteristics of Asperger Syndrome relate to communication, emotions, perspective taking and sensory issues, the very components upon which relationships are built, it is no wonder that misunderstanding and frustration often crop up in these relationships.

I was recently quoted in an article by Pam Mellskog of Longmont Time Calls Newspaper for an article on adult Asperger relationships. In the article she highlights the relationship of Miles and Eugenia. Miles has Asperger Syndrome. The couple discusses their issues with communication and the added influence of Asperger Syndrome in their relationship.

Mellskog recommends my book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge, as a book specifically designed to address communication issues in adult Asperger relationships. The book is unique in how it addresses the often “touchy” topics of sex, rage, divorce and shame. I share poignant anecdotes from individuals I’ve worked with over the years who have been in NT-Aspie relationships, including myself, giving a glimpse at the “inner workings” of these relationships. I’m glad to see that this important topic is getting more attention. To read the article in its entirety, visit TimesCalls.com - Love can prevail.

Thrilling Possibilities for My New Book

Friday, August 28, 2009


In honor of my daughter's graduation from high school and my birthday, I have planned a holiday to Greece in September. It is somewhere I have always wanted to visit and the time has finally arrived for it to become reality. While there, I have decided to visit the Greek Society for the Protection of Autistic People. While communicating with them to plan a visit, an interesting development arose. Prof. Sophia Bonanou of the Greek Society told me that they are working on acquiring books on autism in English and then translating them into Greek. I was then asked to send them a copy of my new book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge? Practical Steps for Saving You and Your Marriage, to be considered for translation. I'm still awaiting for their response on the book, but to know that there is a possibility for this information to reach more people is such an exciting thought. I'll continue to update you on new developments.


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